So last week, this happened:

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And in case you’re wondering why this is such a big deal, let me reminded you where I started, just 35 weeks ago and where I aim to be by the 16th December!

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What an incredible journey. So much about me has changed in the last 8 months and I’m not just referring to how I look either. Everything about me, inside has changed too. I am feeling fantastic. Confident. Pretty. Feminine. Dare I say it… sexy even. It has changed everything about how I present and conduct myself with others. I’ve even noticed a change in my work relationships and with my clients. There is an element of playfulness and fun that I lost for a long time because I was just so ashamed and uncomfortable about how I looked and because I simply didn’t feel good. Lethargic all the time. Crampy. Weak.

But #fat2fab has made me STRONG!

In April I started running. Well walking mostly, but with some running in between and I’ve gotten stronger and stronger and fitter and fitter and frankly I’m feeling pretty damn fantastic. I originally started running to increase my calorie deficit for weight loss. But, surprisingly, I started to actually enjoy the running and I could see the massive difference it was making in my body. My core strength improved, I have no more back ache and my stomach muscles came out of hiding and started showing themselves again, I predict my 4 pack, last seen in my very early 20’s will have made a full reappearance when I get to goal weight. My legs have also dramatically trimmed down and I have no more cellulite! I know right???

Of course, being naturally competitive, the more I ran, the further I wanted to run, the faster I wanted to run and after my first (and only) 10km race I wanted to stretch myself further, so I entered the #WeRunSoweto half marathon, along with a bunch of other amazing mom’s on twitter….. and now I have SERIOUS regret!

I am a “weekend warrior” runner. I don’t have the time during the week to put in much mileage, best I can do is between 5 – 7km’s Monday to Friday and then longer ones over the weekend with a rest day thrown in for good measure. But the half marathon training program feels like it has sucked all the joy out of my running. Every run feels like pressure and really it is. I do NOT want to go into a 21km race unprepared or under trained so I HAVE to do the training and that’s where the rebel in me comes out. I just don’t want to do it, simply because I HAVE to. Does that even make sense? I’m not a quitter, I’m a pretty strong and very determined person. I have a will of iron and can white knuckle my way through just about anything, but I’m battling with the mental part of this half marathon challenge and I’m not even sure I really want to do it anymore.

Then this morning, I came across this:

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And it was like a good hard smack upside the head! “Stay the course Mother f*cker!”

And that REALLY resonates with me.

I’m still undecided about what I want to do, but will give myself a few more weeks of plodding through the training program before I decide. And this is tough for me. I don’t like being indecisive. I life firm action. A plan and a goal and working towards smashing that goal. I like to brag. I want to do this so I can give myself the Noddy badge for achieving it. So that I can blog about achieving it. So that I can brag my arse off… I DID it.

But I’m just not really sure I want to….

And I’m struggling with this!

fat2fab