Well hello! Hi! Remember me? I did a rebrand and just went silent on your all. But today I’m back and writing just for me, for the very first time in absolutely AGES! WHY? Because I think I found the energy, or perhaps the courage to tell you why I opted out of the SA Mommy Blogger Community and in that sharing, reclaim my words. I’ve been silent about what happened for more than a year, but after reading this post from You Baby And I, I decided to share my experience.
YES, A T-Shirt Made Me Do It!
I’ve been blogging for more than 10 years now. While I have never considered myself the star of blogging, my audience, my words, my reach has grown consistently and steadily over that time. I’ve won numerous awards, attended thousands of events, participated in hundreds of campaigns and pretty much loved every aspect of being a Mommy Blogger.
I never set out to be anything but a quiet little blogger, happy to record my thoughts and experiences and engage with other moms online along the way. But then blogging and online influencing hit big in SA and everything changed. Suddenly, we weren’t just a group of moms encouraging each other through motherhood.
Suddenly, we were the competition!
Money and freebies became involved and in an instant, our entire community changed. Suddenly, we weren’t just a group of moms sharing in each other’s trials of motherhood, we were small businesses competing with each other for a slice of that pie. But through it all, as more and more moms joined the melee of mom bloggers, I always tried to be supportive. I was daily, weekly, monthly contacted by mom bloggers, looking for advice, looking for insight, looking for tips and tricks of the trade. Looking to me to help them on their road to success and I did it, willingly and happily. I almost always shared my experience, my contacts, I always shared my knowledge and my experience. I naively believed that my support of others would be reciprocated.
A T-Shirt Showed Me It Wouldn’t.
Then last year I got an intriguing message from a company who wanted to create merchandise for bloggers. We would work together to design and market our T-shirts and then split the profits made. At first, I couldn’t believe anybody would even want to own a T-Shirt with my branding or slogan on it and I declined, but then I saw other bloggers creating their T-shirts and in an effort to be supportive, I went out of my way to purchase every single T-Shirt, it was such a fun, community building initiative, seeing as each T-shirt got released fellow bloggers sharing images of themselves wearing other bloggers merchandise and pretty much promoting the hell out of each other. It was amazing.
Then it was my turn…
And my T-shirt went on sale and sold out in under 24 hours but there was absolute crickets on the sharing front. Not a single other blogger sharing how they’d bought my T-shirt. Not one other Mommy blogger promoting me, when I approached the anonymous enigma behind the initiative and they confirmed that indeed, while my T-shirt sales had been excellent, not a single blogger had supported me.
For a long time, I was hurt…
And extremely angry. It became very clear how my working to support others in my community was totally onesided. And the more time I spent thinking about the entire situation, the clearer it had become. I didn’t fit into any of the cliques and I wouldn’t be on the receiving end of much support. Pretty much I was only good enough to privately pump for information, assistance, and support, but not publically support.
For a long time I was so angry, I lashed out at the community as a whole, I removed myself from all the WhatsApp groups and Facebook groups and accepted that if my space on the internet, my brand couldn’t survive without other bloggers, then it was the end of a journey.
But the opposite happened….
I learned that I can stand on my own and still thrive, that while the support of others from the community is nice to have, it’s not a must-have in order to succeed.
And then the Kween B was born
And now none of it really matters. I’ve moved past it, I’ve learned from it, I’ve grown from it and I’m super excited for what the next chapter holds. I won’t lie, I hid away and licked my wounds for a long time, all the while feeling utterly ridiculous for being so hurt and so angry but time moved on and it really doesn’t matter anymore, which is why I decided to share.
Love this . You strong beautiful and courageous and I have loved reading you blog since I stumbled across it . Love Kween B .
Thank you Carly!
I am so sorry you went through this Sharon. I think there is a lot that goes on that I’m not aware of or perhaps I just focus on the positive and the support that I have got. This past year I have really had a lot of support and I am grateful.
You have had a year from hell Heather, I am glad to hear you got the support you needed. xx
I also did the T-shirt thing and sold out and no bloggers purchased. Wasn’t surprised TBH. I hadn’t purchased a single blogger’s shirt (but only because most were mommy or beauty bloggers and didn’t appeal to me). Regardless, I feel this post on a huge level. Obviously when I was working full time I was at an influencer marketing agency and made it my business to give advice and assistance to so many bloggers in the hope of helping them build their businesses. When I left I still did that. I really believed that the community was about helping one another. So I introduced people to brands, got them on guest lists and really tried to support.
But then I also stopped. Because the same people I’d assisted or got a paid job or whatever where the names coming up in conversations with brands when I lost jobs “so and so says xyz about you, so and so says you’re difficult, we’re going with so and so because they’ve said you don’t do xyz”. I’d also suddenly arrive at events and so and so would make a scene, not wanting to sit at the same table as me (legit, this happened, proper Mean Girls vibe) or would demand other bloggers come stand with them and not me. So and so isn’t a single person, they were a handful of other bloggers I considered “friend”.
I’ve lost count of the amount of bloggers I supported along the way who spoke rubbish about me or tried to take me down behind the scenes, all the while smiling to my face. When I found out and confronted them they’d get really defensive and block me everywhere. But the BS continued. I’ve realised that in this industry almost everyone is your friend if you’re helping them get something, but they’ll turn on you so fast if it means they can get somewhere faster.
We’ve spoken about this privately but I’ve wanted to toss in the towel numerous times. Thanks for being honest. It reminds the rest of us that we aren’t alone and everyone is having to deal with this as well.
Thanks for adding your voice. For so long I felt alone in what had happened to me and I felt stupid for being so hurt.
But a year on, I feel like now I’m ready to voice it and move on from it. I’ve learned a lot in the past year, most importantly, who my real friends are and they are not other bloggers/influencers.
This is why, even though you’ve adapted your blog to where you find yourself in life now with a new audience I will still read every post. You’re honest and transparent Sharon, no BS and no drama.
Thank you.
I remember this t-shirt thing and I thought it was a lovely initiative. I didn’t participate because I didn’t think anybody would buy them (mine I mean), and also with my husband not working for almost 2yrs, I knew I could not afford the tshirts. I wouldn’t want to be in the situation where any blogger supported me and felt let down because I didn’t support them. I do understand the lack of support would be pretty damn hurtful, and I do remember you proudly wearing those tshirts of your fellow bloggers!! I had major FOMO!
That being said, you should be helluva proud that your readers/fans/followers supported you and bought your t-shirt so fast!
I understand though, not having bought t-shirts, but I try to share interesting blogger posts, share all the giveaways, and I realised when I have a giveaway….those people I support, do not support me back. I don’t share to be shared….I just love sharing for my readers, but it becomes a bit painful when you see people just taking your support and wiping their ass with it….lol. Though, I really do have some people that cheer me on and I am very grateful for them.
I really thought when I started blogging, because of a love for writing, there was going to be this sisterhood….and it was going to be kumbaya, but apparently not. But I am the most naive person I know, so there’s that. lol.
I’m happy for you to have found your peace and your new chapter! Can’t wait to see where you go, and it’s very true, where one door closes, another one will open!
Yikes, this was long!
It’s really not about the T-shirt though, the T-shirt was merely the catalyst that made me realize how I was going out my way to be supportive and never receiving the same in return. It’s one example of what had been going on for years.
The stuff I could tell you guys, do you know that somebody (and I have my suspicions who) even went so far to as to create a Twitter account that was used purely to troll me and one other blogger?
And yes, the other thing that T-shirt thing did was show me that I really do have a loyal following that is not made up of other bloggers, that, in my mind, is even more valuable.
I totally understand it’s the principle, sorry if I didn’t make that clear. A twitter account to troll…oh my soul, who has that kind of time and hatred in their souls???
Yes your followers are amazing, I need to clone some of them….where can I buy them??? lol. Just kidding! Keep doing what you love and bugger the rest 😉
Yes your followers are amazing, I need to clone some of them….where can I buy them??? lol. Just kidding! Keep doing what you love and bugger the rest 😉
I totally understand it’s the principle, sorry if I didn’t make that clear. A twitter account to troll…oh my soul, who has that kind of time and hatred in their souls???
Yes your followers are amazing, I need to clone some of them….where can I buy them??? lol. Just kidding! Keep doing what you love and bugger the rest 😉
I am so loving your ig, blog and total ‘no bs vibe’. I never got invovled in Mommy blogging as such, but am always shocked at how people behave.
Shocking how people behave when there’s money,free food and drink involved – all their senses seem to leave them.
Have a stunning day
I’ve loved your blog from way back when. When I used to still blog 🙂 . I love the new brand and change. I am sorry to hear about the experience you had. It is only natural to get upset, and then upset for being upset. Well done for adapting.
Thank you for sharing! I have followed you for a long time and love the new direction you are going in. Keep going!
Thanks Verity!
“Money and freebies became involved and in an instant, our entire community changed” …. and that was when everyone went nuts and content paused and it became a race for product plugs.
After my personal life changed, I changed and I also needed to step back from blogging.
Sharon you have always managed to remain authentic even when the swamp got more muddy – so kudos to you for rebranding, winning and popping out the other side still as real as the day you stepped into this.
Cheer chicken – long may Kween B reign!!
Thank you my Darling Celeste!
I personally missed you❤ i am so glad that you are back and definitely with a bang. I can relate to your blog and you definitely have me as a fan for life keep doing you❤ the older we get, the wiser we get
Thank you Janel. YOu are one of the people who has always consistently supported me and I want you to know I do appreciate that.
You are definitely one of the ladies who has always had the most integrity in this industry, its always been a pleasure working with you and I cannot wait to work together with you again on Kween B! Love the new look and branding! You go girl! Always such an inspiration and I ALWAYS love reading your posts! Huge love always!
Thank you Jo, it means everything to me to hear that.
I am loving the rebranding. And good for you for dusting off and starting again.
Personally blogging lost it’s appeal the moment everyone started with cliques and promoting the same products. One product and you just know who will be promoting those products. Same grouo of bloggers every line. The posts even read the same. Then there is everyone feeling oh so important that the lines got blurred. I noticed some bloggers don’t bother responding to comments or have developed this self importance that they basically tell reader where to get off when these people leave comments or messages of encouragement when they’ve shared a sad moment because that’s not what they wanted to hear etc. Uhmmm… really?
Sorry I’m not trolling on anyone over here but you struck a chord. Believe me there is no underlying jealousy either. I would probably be one of them if I didn’t press pause. My readers don’t want to know what I got for free. The first bunch of items felt great and my kids loved it but then I had to ask myself if I was willing to sell my soul for it. A freebie is not worth the work I have to put into a post. Readers are interested in our honest opinions about products and not product reviews on a whole array of products that makes us lose our authenticity.
That said, I’m looking forward to your Kween B journey. Wishing you all the success but mostly a whole lot of fun as you “put pen to paper”.
Thanks Celeste.
Oh my goodness, Sharon… I feel like I could’ve written this post! I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider, both in the mommy blogger community AND in the beauty blogging community. I’ve tried to ‘fit in’ more by sharing contacts, advice, etc freely, honestly believing that by showing up as supportive and open and giving, that I’d attract fellow supportive women into my circle as well. Sadly, that hasn’t happened, and I’m so saddened at how some ‘friendships’ have faded as quickly as they’ve begun, as soon as my contact book had been opened. As hard as it is, I’ve had to sit myself down and remind myself that (a) (most) fellow bloggers aren’t my friends and that’s ok, because I already have real friends, and (b) it doesn’t really matter if they like me/ if I fit in/ don’t fit in… my readers appreciate me for who I am, and that’s all that really matters.
Thank you for always sharing so openly. Loving the rebrand, and so excited to read more posts!
I to think this is a South African blogger thing and not necessarily isolated to Mommy Bloggers only. I’m sorry you have also experienced it.
Onward and upwards for your new blog Sharon 🙂
I remember when I first started working in PR. I worked on a baby brand and the moms would send me screen grabs of other mommy bloggers, asking why I’m working with them. They would try bad mouth bloggers we were doing paid campaigns with and when I asked one you stop, she turned the tables and went to my boss and said I was bad mouting mommy bloggers we were doing campaigns with. I was 19 and almost lost my job over it. I was totally shook. That was my introduction to ‘mommy bloggers’.
I still work in PR and I’m a new blogger. The other day a beauty blogger came to an event, looked at me and infront of a group of girls said ‘wow, they really invited everyone to this event.’ I just smiled and silently though to myself, b*tch I put you on this guest list.
I blog for me, I can’t do the drama of other people anymore.
That is SO spiteful!!! I just don’t understand it. We don’t have to like everyone but it costs nothing to be polite.
Hmmmmmmmm real food for thought! Isn’t it amazing how something seemingly so “mundane” makes thing clear! If you gave away the shirts for free there would have been loads of noise (ok I’m jut trying to be be cheeky here), sadly I have to say the blogging community in SA has become all about cliques and with money and freebies involved cut-throat! I miss the day of blogging just for the thrill of i and reading about moms’s venting one day and net day raving about their kids. Yes I do know we have to evolve to remain relevant but maybe it all just happened too quickly too fast and people didn’t know how to deal with their new found freedom
All that said, well done on moving past it. Onward and forward to better things
It’s true what you say. So many people who blog from overseas have told me that none of the communities over there treat each other the way we do, I really wonder why?
I love that light bulb moment one has when we realise we don’t need to be part of something or that the cliques are irrelevant. I love that you metaphorically dusted yourself off and have returned fierce. I removed Blogger from my social media, I couldn’t compete and eventually chose not to.
Thanks Ana. The irony is that we actually don’t need to compete with each other, it just took something as stupid as a t-shirt and my knee jerk reaction for me to realize that.
Luv the new look. Really didn’t know the blogging life was like that I just enjoyed reading your blogs (as I have with other bloggers I read) looking in from the outside and noticing that some of what us moms go through really is the same and we not actually on an island. Love the new look, loved all the personal blogs (from weight loss journeys to family celebrations and success to even those unsuccessful stories where u have felt like a failure) Actually there was even one blog when you came to KZN and I had read it and thought to myself wow in my hometown could have met up in person. So basically in a nutshell don’t give up and just keep on blogging.
Hi Sharon, I’m loving the rebranding and evolving of your brand.
I don’t think I know any mommy blogger who has a positive story… but we can’t change people, we can only change ourselves and learn as we go.
Thanks for sharing
I think this is true of almost all categories of blogging in South Africa.
I needed to read this, Thanks for this KweenB, I really admire your admiration and how you have resurfaced even better than before, I’m new to this mommy blog community and all I can say this is a heads up I definitely appreciate ❤️❤️I love your post