I’ve always been told by my readers that the number one thing that keeps them coming back to my blog is the sense of honesty that they always get from my writing. It’s not really something I set out to do. Initially, I just wanted to write a blog because everyone else was doing it. I didn’t start my blog with being named Africa’s Best Parenting blog for 2015 in mind. I didn’t start out writing to get free stuff from PR agencies and brands. I didn’t start out wanting to be good at it, or inspire people or any of the other multitude of noble reasons why some bloggers start their blogs. I simply started my blog because everyone else was blogging so I figured I should to. But then the comments and the emails and the social interactions started and I was hooked. I loved that my readers understood me, whether I was blogging about my infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, our adoption journey or my struggle with my weight. I loved that people got it. They got me. I felt validated. I felt not quite so alone in what is, at times, a very lonely world. And I am proud of the number one comment I get about my blog…. The honesty and openness that readers get from my writing.

Then last year I set out on my banting journey when I joined the Fat2Fab challenge and again, I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that not only would I lose 34kg’s but that I’d win the challenge. And along the way, I shared openly and honestly about my struggles, I let it all hang out. I stopped hiding behind clever selfie angles and blurry images and let you see me in all my glory from 118kg’s all the way down to 85kg’s.

And today, 1 July, I’m going to do it again by sharing an ugly truth about me. And I know this is something so many of my readers will relate to and understand. I also know that there are people out there who are going to get immense pleasure out of what I’m going to share today, but I’m not sharing for them, or for you, my cheerleaders. I’m sharing for me. Because the other thing that my blog has given me is a deep sense of accountability. And so, if I share it here, I feel obligated to follow through.

So here goes, get ready to be shocked or rub your hands in glee…….

Since the Fat2Fab challenge ended, I have GAINED 8kg’s!

It started out slowly, a couple of 100g’s here and there but I’d run, or focus on my diet for a few days and the weight would slide back off. But then winter hit, I started training less and I quit smoking and what started out as a gentle slide turned into a full-steam-ahead-downward-at-high-speed-spiral back to obesity.

Last week, when I slipped (read jumped, groaned, pulled, yanked & tugged) myself into my skinny jeans and looked in the mirror, to my horror I noticed a muffin top! A muffin top! And so after a couple of days of psyching myself up and pep talking myself, I decided to get on the scale and shock myself into action!

As of Monday, I’ve started holding myself accountable to what I eat and thankfully I’m already down a kg, so I have 7 more to go. But as of today, I’ve revive the Fat2Fab challenge with my friends as well. Because I’m so competitive, I really find that that does help me.

As a side note, have you seen the show Weighting Up The Enemy on channel TLC? I love it because it totally speaks to me, because I’m not sure how successful my weight loss journey would have been had I not been in a competition. Studies from Yale University in the United States have shown that dieters who put their own money on the line have a higher success rate when it comes to hitting their weight loss targets, and if there’s a risk that they’ll see their cash going towards a cause they dislike, they are even more determined. Bingo! This is so me!

The problem is you guys, I need to accept that in my case, once a fatty, always a fatty. I have issues with food and I need to accept it and surrender to it. I cannot adopt the 80/20 principle that most dieters can adopt. Because as soon as I taste that evil sugar, or as soon as I eat carbs, I am like a heroin addict, I cannot stop myself, the desire, the craving for more doesn’t ever stop, it just gets more and more intense and the more I eat of those foods, the more I want them and the more I want and eat them the fatter I get. I have to surrender to living my life on an eating plan for the remainder of my days, it is the only way that I can maintain my weight and my health.

Just like smokers are always just one puff a day from a pack a day, I’ll always be one peanut butter sandwich away from being a lard arse! That is my truth and I am realizing that more and more now.

I am so disappointed in myself. I feel embarrassed as I’ve been held up as an amazing example of weight loss success and I almost failed miserably.

But today…. Today… to here… and no further!

Join me on my new and revived Fat2Fab journey won’t you? Be my cheerleader or my naysayer if you like cos I like showing people a toffee and the naysayers make me even more determined to succeed. But join me on the next leg of my journey and let’s see where I end up on 15 December 2015!