In the past two years, I have been ghosted by two women I thought were close friends. One of them I actually considered a best friend. It has hurt my heart, eaten at the corners of my mind, consumed my thoughts and wasted my energy over the past two years and today is the day that I have decided it’s time to let it go as I step into the next phase of my life. And the way I let it all go is to write it out and then move forward.

Why Now?

Because I had a rather startling realization the other day. I am going through THE CHANGE, yep I really am, it’s true, I am leaving my youth behind me and moving into the next phase, the menopause and I want to release myself from some of this baggage I’ve carried over the past few years. It is not serving any purpose other than to weigh me down and hold me back as I move forward into the next phase of life. So letting go of (non-existant) friendships is part of the baggage I am choosing to leave behind.

On Getting Ghosted

I never thought at this age I’d be dealing with getting ghosted. It all seems so rather juvenile and the kind of behavior one expects from a teenager, not from what should be emotionally mature women in their 40’s and yet, here we are.

I have spent two years being consumed by thoughts of what did I do that has made them cut me out and ghost me this way? The situations are unrelated, I think, as the two women involved were not friends with each other. I have reached out repeatedly to the one friend in the last two years. Asking to get together, checking in and even going to far as to ask what it is that I have done to upset her so I can make it right. All of my attempts were brushed aside with assurances that I had done nothing and my last few attempts to reach out have gone ignored.

The other situation is slightly different. The more time that has passed, the more I realize I was overly invested in that friendship and that it was pretty one-sided. If I wasn’t making the effort, reaching out and making plans to spend time together, which was frequently canceled last minute in the last few months, then I’d never see or hear from that friend. Which is pretty much what happened in the end. I’d called her to share some exciting news and told her we should get together soon. Perhaps I was already subconsciously aware that this was an unequally yoked friendship that I’d been dragging along because I made the choice to wait to see if this friend would reach out to me, would try to connect or touch base, would follow up on my news to find out how I was doing. NOTHING. I got absolute crickets in return.

Days turned to weeks turned to months turned to years….

It’s been two years. Two years I’ve spent thinking about these friendships. Two years of holding onto people who have not only let me go in the most hurtful and rather juvenile way but who let go of me years ago and I’ve just been wasting my time and my energy trying to hold onto something that was long gone.

Making Space

I’m not the type of woman who needs a large circle of friends, I need a few close friends who have my back and who I look out for. That’s it. I had that at one time and I lost it, mostly to emigration, sad but true, in the past 7 years, I have lost most of my tribe to emigration and to ghosting. So now I am choosing to clear space in my life to grow my tribe once again.

Have you ever been ghosted by a close friend?

How did you handle it?