Mommy Overwhelm! Until recently, I didn’t realize this was an actual thing. I thought it was just me, being weak and pathetic, unable to cope. But as my sense of overwhelm has gotten progressively worse over the past few months, I’ve come to realize this is a thing so many of us moms struggle with.
The Final Straw – How I Knew I Had Mommy Overwhelm
I went to research the signs I might have Mommy Overwhelm or Burnout after collapsing in a pile of tears recently, simply because I had forgotten to remind my child of her extra lesson after school. Once I’d calmed down, I realized I had probably completely overreacted but at that moment, not knowing if my kid would pitch up for her lesson, I felt the overwhelm well up inside me like a volcanic eruption that came from deep in my belly and explode out of my mouth in a stream of acidic vitriol and leak from my eyes in a cascade of burning hot, rage-filled tears.
The Signs Of Mommy Overwhelm
- Tired all the time! I don’t know if anyone else will relate to this, but I am bone achingly exhausted all the freaking time. Someone asked me while I was walking up the stairs at work recently if I was in pain. No, I’m just so deep in my bones exhausted, I can’t climb stairs anymore. I literally start counting down the minutes to when I can fall into my bed from the time I leave the office every afternoon.
- Low frustration tolerance and irritability – I have been convinced that my low moods and quick temper, which feel like I’m in a perpetual state of PMS, recently has related back to the fact that I am perimenopausal. But now I’m starting to second guess that. Guys, my kids’ homework is enough to make me collapse in a pile of hot, steaming tears of frustration if the instructions aren’t clear enough. Life has just begun to feel like it’s all too flipping much for me to cope with! Everything has me breathing into a paper bag with a racing heart and hyperventilating.
- Life is a blur & you’ve become forgetful – ah yes! Hard relate. While seemingly ridiculous and mundane things have the power to push me over the edge or have me fixated in the most obsessive kind of way, it’s the important stuff I’m incapable of remembering. I forget important dates and events!
- Sometimes you long for the days when you were child-free! Yes and then I’m overwhelmed by guilt for feeling that way because I wanted these children to badly and I worked so hard to have them and we should be living this happily ever after, instead I feel frantic half the time and have, at my lowest moments considered running away. I love them SO FREAKING much but I feel so lost in my life, so overwhelmed by all the requirements, it feels sometimes like I’m the rope in a tug of war and at some point, I’m going to be torn in half.
- Feel obligated to say you’re happy all the time? Yup! Because I realize I live an extremely privileged life and even though my husband works ridiculously long hours, he is an involved father so I actually should just shut up and suck it up because I have no reason to be feeling this way.
So How Do We Deal When The Overwhelm Becomes Overwhelming?
I tried to research this too and honestly, the answers I found weren’t really helpful.
Drink a glass of water? Ja, no, ok thanks FOR NOTHING!
Exercise – girl I already smash my 900 points Vitality fitness goal every week and guess what I am still overwhelmed and exhausted. Even worse, I have dig SO deep every day to go and exercise because my exhaustion has reached the point of debilitation!
Ask for help – FROM WHO?????????? Because everyone I know is in the same position as me right now!
Hard Truth – I have made an appointment to see my Dr! After almost a year of being medication free, I am accepting that I am NOT coping and I’m going back on medication. Previously, I had been on anxiety and depression medication for years, after being diagnosed with PTSD and Post Adoption Depression Syndrom after Ava was born and my medication levels were fixed up a bit back in 2015 when I had a nervous breakdown.
If I’m honest, I’ve been teetering on the edge of a very high cliff for quite some time now and I truly believe if I don’t get the medical intervention I need NOW, my overwhelming overwhelm is going to push me over the edge and back into another nervous breakdown.
Mamas, I see you, how are you all holding up? Are you ok? It’s ok to admit if you’re not. I’m not and I won’t allow shame to prevent me from getting the help I need to survive this.
I hear you. It’s too much. And as working moms it’s even worse as we have work stress and pressures to deal with too. I’m finding it incredibly difficult.
I hear you. I’m just in a constant state of overwhelm even at work! Some days, I just want to run away from everything and everyone.
This got me thinking, and I can say that I might be going through the same thing but I just couldn’t put a name to it.
You’re not alone Mama! I see you!
I feel you!! I feel incredibly useless/ stupid at work, I am a software programmer and I constantly feel like cannot keep up with the new kids coming in. I feel like I might burst into tears if anyone asks me to do something new or the hint of a new project… between work and family, I feel like everyone wants something from me all the time… and I certainly don’t have the time or the money to do anything nice for myself. And yes my hubby too works really hard long ours and I should just shut up and be so thankful for what I have… and I am… but I feel like I’m in a downwards spiral all the time. I feel like I’m a bad mother for shouting at my kids.. to eat their food, stop fighting, do your homework, why didn’t you eat any lunch… I feel so worn down with shouting but also so guilty for it too. I have no energy to do anything or go anywhere… just leave me alone… and then guilty for that… etc.etc.etc.
“between work and family, I feel like everyone wants something from me all the time…” HARD RELATE to this. I feel like I never ever have a MOMENTS PEACE! Ever. There is always something or someone that is demanding my attention and it’s driving me insane.
I was diagnosed with severe depression in March 2016 after teetering on the edge for months. It has taken years of regular appointments with my incredible psychologist and constantly being on meds to manage my depression. Some days and weeks will go swimmingly and then bam! something knocks the wind right out of my sails and I see the edge of that big looming towards me.
All I can say to you, and anyone else battling with any form of mommy overwhelm is learn to know yourself and see the signs. Nowadays I can call a friend or just drop a message when I’m feeling low and they help me through it. I have also learnt (sorry DR!) how to manage my meds and if need be I increase my dose for a few days until I feel more balanced.
I fear this will be a life long battle for me, and many others, but we can all get through it and talking about like you do here is wonderful – the stigma is something we need to work hard to remove.
I’ve battled with depression and anxiety my entire life. There are periods of relative peace which I enjoy between the bouts of illness so I can absolutely agree with you, it is a life long battle.
I totally get the overwhelm and feel like i have constant brain fog.
I see you Mama! x
This is definitely me and moving to a different country with no support group and just having to do every single thing makes it so much more stressful and often find myself crying
Hang in there Mama! I see you!
You are so brave and strong to put this post out. In sharing your vulnerability, you’ve not only shown your strength, but given others a space too!
I totally relate to most of what you said and am monitoring myself for postpartum blues… I am still in the newborn tunnel, but with a busy toddler too. I’m terrified to leave the house with both, on my own! I haven’t done it yet and I don’t know how other mothers do it… That’s the thing – I have so much to be grateful for, so then I feel guilty for when I have a sob or feel overwhelmed! Thank you for making me feel less alone and a little more “normal” xxx
Thank you! In all honesty, I have always felt that my ability to be vulnerable is a sign of true strength.
I remember what new motherhood was like the second time around, familiar but so much more and terrifying. Hang in there Mama!
It’s like you looked into my heart and saw my truth. My biggest fear….everyone (especially my 11 year old daughter!) finding out that I’m not as put together as i make it seem, so on top of getting divorced, moving out, my ex in rehab, not being able to afford a fridge or an oven, grade 6 (the most important year of primary school, so I’m told!) and general mom stuff, I’m (not) fine.
It’s going to be ok mama! If it’s not ok it’s not the end! x
I totally feel you and relate this SO much. There are such expectations (mostly put on us by ourselves) to ALWAYS be okay, be the one organising the schedules, putting on the band aid, juggling a fulltime job, still trying to sneak in a personal life, maintain a relationship with your partner etc etc – that I have also found myself having moments of tears, for no reason at all. Such respect to you for always being so open, honest and brave. It makes the other mama’s know that we are all in this together and it is not easy. Sending love xxx
I really want to be ok, I’ so tired of feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
oh my word read your post and thought you were writing about me. with my daughter adjusting to high school and my son trying to adjust to senior primary, work demands and home demands dam even our puppy seems to demand my attention ive been looking for that mommy island we can escape to where nobody is reliant on us. Although I do have a good support system still with my folks being close by some days are just a bit more demanding then others.
I wish my parents were close by, aside from our nanny, we have no one. It’s very very hard.
Hi Kween B, I just came across you and this article now in August and yes this is really a thing, its a big thing. i am a mom working for herself in an establishment where i am open to the public fro 8 am to 7pm. I hardly have time to myself living in a home with husband and a nanny. and in most black families communication about your emotional and mental health is practically ZERO. Nobody is going to ask mommy how her day was and how she feels etc. And coming home everyday after being faced with douche bag clients, nagging debt collectors, sloooooooow internet connection, managing staff… its a lot.
Deep breaths Mamma! These are some insane ties we’re living through.